"THAT" Kid - What to do with trouble-makers

There is one in every ministry. A kid for whatever reason that is just a handful. There are a plethora of reasons that this child takes more time than others, but none of those reasons are ours to judge.  


Regardless, they exist. SO what do we do about them?


Ignore them?
Restrict them?
Separate them?
Punish them?
Kick them out?


Believe it or not, kicking them out is an actual option to some ministries. I took a new job at a small church down south and before I got there, I was getting phone calls and facebook messages about "T". T as a very challenging child that the volunteers wanted kicked out of the ministry. Obviously, that wasn't an option to me so I couldn't wait to get a read on the situation myself. 


One of my first Sunday's on the job, I finally met T. "Here comes trouble." One of the volunteers jeered when they saw him and his raggedy Grandma coming through the door. 

At first glance, I knew something was wrong. He was dressed in really dark clothes, looked poorly maintained and deeply angry. Grandma didn't look much better. 


I decided that I was going to make it my mission to make T feel welcomed and loved at church.


The first thing I did was try to gain as much information I could about his life FROM HIM or HIS GRANDMA - not from other more gossipy sources. 


Turns out, his mom was a drug addict. His dad was in jail. His Grandma and Grandpa had just adopted him and he was really close to his Grandpa. Then his Grandpa suddenly died. 
So we are left with a grieving WIDOW and ORPHAN that the church wants to kick out. 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

FAIL. 

This kid needed attention and he was going to get it one way or another. So here's the moral of the story:


THAT kid is going to get special attention. THAT kid is going to take time away from the other kids one way or another. No its not fair. But its reality. It is up to you as the leader whether THAT kid gets positive or negative attention. 


You have a choice:


POSITIVE attention at the beginning

OR

NEGATIVE attention the rest of the time


POSITIVE ATTENTION looks like this:
PRAY before your day begins for genuine empathy and patience for that child. Then, when you see them coming, stop whatever you're doing and go to them. Get on their eye level and ask them how their week was. Smile. Show them love. Give them attention. Be genuinely interested in what they are interested in.  


If the child asks for something that the other kids don't have, make an exception if its harmless. For example: T was in my office before kid's church began and he saw a balloon on my desk. He asked if he could have it. Would it be fair for him to have one and not the other kids? Nope. BUT there's a good chance that if he gets special attention in a positive way, he will not seek it in a negative way by being disruptive, disrespectful or worse. 


Make a real effort to give that child praise for EVERYTHING they do well as they do it. For example: "T, you are listening so well right now. I just wanted to say thanks for that. It makes me feel like you respect me and I appreciate that." Or, "T, thanks for helping pass out the papers. You are really helpful."


Look for ways to make that child a leader. Yes, its risky, but its worth it for sure. it makes kids feel special when they are given special responsibilities. This is just another form of positive attention.




This is not easy. Nothing worth it ever is. 


Let me know how this works for you.